I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
