It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i now understand why vodka
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
