I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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