It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
