I cannot find my penis.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
