I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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