I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
