My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
