Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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