DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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