is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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