Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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