you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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