watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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