remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
