woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
