I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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