at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
