Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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