dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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