she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
