so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
