their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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