I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
