I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
