How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
