I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
