Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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