I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
