they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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