Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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