i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
