i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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