worst night to have a conscience
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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