So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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