Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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