now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
high people should be assigned attendants
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
