My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
