He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
