The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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