Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
