I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
