do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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