I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
