I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
