We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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