Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
