And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
