whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
