he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
