I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize