so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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