I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
