Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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