I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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