you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So much rum. So many feels.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
