Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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