I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
