so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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