What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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