I'm passing your future prison.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
