I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
