matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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