We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
