it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
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I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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