You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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