FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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