I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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