i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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