I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
