No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
