For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
