Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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