I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just google imaged poop.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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