Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
