So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
