There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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