One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
