life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
