new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
